10 Ways to Overcome the Death of a Loved One

1.    WHAT WOULD THEY WANT?

Seriously, anyone worth your love would probably not be wishing that you would sustain your misery, unhappiness and depression. Why would they want that? One of the things you loved about this person is that they wanted what’s best for you, wasn’t it?

And sure, your happiness and sadness may not be as easy to turn off as hot and cold water faucets, but remember, “it’s the little things that count.” Do things that make you happy, whether you feel happy or not.

Force a smile and then a laugh. Eventually, the things we do become who we are. In time, those painted on smiles and engineered laughs will come honest and free, if you want them to.

Go to LS Lists and read "120 Ways to Improve Your Life," "30 Ways to be Happy" and "10 Tips for Overcoming Depression," to get you started on all the little things that can point you in the right direction.

2.    WE JUST DON’T KNOW

No one knows what really happens after we die. Different religions have different theories. If you’re a scientist, or an atheist, or an agnostic, you may think we simply cease to exist and that’s the end of it. The truth is, it could be anything.

Perhaps your loved one is in an after-life that’s a better place. Perhaps they’ve been reincarnated and are on their road to enlightenment. Perhaps they’ve become a being of pure-energy, with the capacity to explore the universe.

Even those who don’t believe in reincarnation, heaven, or the afterlife can agree. Death is not a horrific event, any more than the most relaxed sleep is torture. Death is an end to frustration, suffering and pain.
If death is akin to eternal sleep, as science suggests, there will be no nightmares or troubled dreams, just the soft darkness of infinity, welcoming the passer with open arms…a welcome peace.

3.    ENERGY IS NEITHER CREATED NOR DESTROYED

Supposedly, science has proven that energy is neither created, nor destroyed, it simply changes forms. If this is true, it lends added credence to the idea that your loved one lives on. Sure, they may be part of a rainbow, or particles in a star, they might be a new born baby, or a shower of rain drops, but they exist.

That energy that made them go, that life-force that sparked them is still at work in the universe and you can rest assured that it will be until the end of time.

4.    LIVE FOR THEM

Live for your loved one, who has passed, because they can’t. You’re obligated to do that, which they cannot do, but wanted to. It’s how they would’ve wanted it and it’s how you can honor their memory.

Many people have problems of their own. Perhaps you’re a drug addict, an alcoholic, a bad father, an abusive husband, a frigid wife, or an unfaithful liar and a cheat. Dedicate your life to the one you loved and turn it around. That can be your ultimate gift to them, as well as theirs to you.

5.    CARRY ON THEIR DREAM

Everyone has a dream and most people have several. What was your loved one’s dream?

Just because they died, doesn’t mean their dream needs to end.

You survived your loved one, but you can make sure that you don’t survive their dream, by helping to make it become a reality.

You can ensure that the poetry they loved and wrote gets published and finds an audience.

You can ensure that their child is well looked after and help them grow up to be a happy, productive and well adjusted member of society.

You can ensure that they are not forgotten and that their memory is cherished.

6.    THEY LIVE ON IN YOU

You are also a product of their teachings, their influence, their example. Part of you will always be a reflection of them and so, they live on in you. They extend through you and your example to touch new lives and spread their ideas and beliefs and their way of doing things.

7.    SET YOUR OWN SCHEDULE FOR MOURNING

No matter how much you love them, you can’t mourn them indefinitely forever. It’s not what they would have wanted and obviously, it’s not what’s good for you either.

Give yourself a week and feel all the grief. Immerse yourself in it. Examine it. Really embrace your sadness and come to grips with it. Do not try to ignore or suppress your misery. Remember the good things and the bad about your loved one and then, after one week, it’s time to get on with your life.
Put the past behind you and move on.

This is not to say that you will forget your loved one. You will NEVER forget your loved one. This is just to say, that you can’t live in the past and your loved one would want you to live and thrive and be happy, so its up to you to carry out their wishes.

Honor your loved one on their birthday and the anniversary of their death. Pour your love out for them, especially at those times, and allow yourself to feel your grief, but they wouldn’t want to be celebrated with sadness, misery and depression. Honor them with happiness, music and love. Honor them with life, by living yours.

8.    HAVE YOUR OWN CEREMONY

Have your own ceremony, if it makes more sense to you. Do it your way. Going to a funeral may not be enough. Do whatever it takes to give yourself the closure you need.
The loved one you lost is a door you must close, but it’s a door you’ll return to and open often.

9.    THE TRUE CURRENCY OF LIFE IS MEMORY

The true currency of life is not money. It’s not even happiness. It’s memory. You’re loved one has deposited a bank account full of rich and vibrant memories in you. Cherish them. That’s their gift to you. They live on, eternally in that gift and that gift lives on in you.

10.    LOVE LIFE

Life is such a precious gift. Value it in all its incarnations.

Sure this hurts. Certainly it’s almost unbearable, but even in its ugliest fortune, behold the true beauty of life.

The miracle is, we never know what’s coming and anything can happen. Life is an adventure of epic proportions. The loss of your loved one is testimony to this and without moments of horrific loss like this one, the immaculate beauty, the preciousness, the unpredictability, the blissful chaos of life would be gone forever.

Your loved one has sacrificed themselves, so that the powerful play can go on.

The continuation of this play, the continuation of this life, is their gift to you as you go on with it.

To quote Robin William’s character in the memorable movie, Dead Poet’s Society, “The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.”

What will your verse be?

 

Comments sent

6 comment(s).
DEBEM BOXER 15 - 4/14/2018 2:29:36 AM
It is terrible to hear that your lover dies. Surely we have never thought of this terrible thing. However, if you are experiencing this situation, stay weak because you are allowed to do so.
Jaz - 5/18/2014 1:48:05 AM
This all fine and all, but what about when your loved one has been murdered? It is not the same. The proses is much different. How does one heal from this?
Tracy Lee Dykes - 8/28/2013 6:28:49 AM
Life is hard. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. It takes hard work, honesty, integrity and perserverance. And in the end all you can hope for is that you loved, were loved, and hurt no one along the way. And maybe ...just maybe when your final days come you can rest peacefully. Be good people. Love unconditionally. And be thankful for all you are given on this Earth. Take nothing for granted..for our time here with each other ends in a blink of an eye. Love, live, and cherish the ones you are with...til the end of days. - Tracy Lee Dykes ...in healing
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smith rose - 4/11/2012 7:40:29 AM
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smith rose - 4/11/2012 7:37:44 AM
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